Happiness that Blossoms Within Relationships
Bible passage: 1 Samuel 1:1-8
“6. And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. 8. Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?”
The French philosopher Sartre used the phrase “Hell is - other people” in his play ‘No Exit’ . In the play, three individuals with different thoughts and experiences are trapped in a room without an exit. They struggle, criticize, and fight with one another until they realize that their surroundings are hell itself.
Sartre suggests that in selfish relationships, humans create a hellish life for themselves. Conflicts with family and friends, as well as tensions in the workplace or other social situations, bring discord into our relationships, creating a hell-like suffering in our lives. Such issues can even manifest within the church, in the midst of one's journey of faith. Today, through the passage of Scripture, we aim to explore the problems caused by interpersonal conflicts and seek solutions to these issues. When we look at the relationship between Hannah and Peninnah in today's scripture, Sartre’s idea of “Hell is - other people” deeply resonates.
However, when I recalled this statement, I felt a conviction from God. It was that for those who truly live a life of faith, others should not be hell, but rather heaven. The ability to turn hell into heaven - that is the beauty of a life of faith, and that is the Gospel. Jesus transforms hell into heaven. It is Jesus Christ who changes the premise of “Hell is - other people” into “Heaven is - other people.” Therefore, in our relationships, the blossoms of happiness should bloom as if we were in heaven. I will share how the power of Jesus’ cross can work in your life, transforming your hellish relationships into heavenly ones, so you can experience His power and grace in your interpersonal relationships.
1. Cultivating the Ability to Understand Others and Increasing Tolerance For Hannah, the suffering she endured from her infertility might have been less painful than the torment she experienced from those around her because of it. When we look at the scripture from this perspective, it seems that for Hannah, everyone connected to her became a source of torment. First, there’s Peninnah, who used Hannah's pain as an opportunity to relentlessly torment her. In verses 6–7 it says; [6] Her rival, however, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. [7] It happened year after year, as often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she would provoke her; so she wept and would not eat. Next, there’s her husband, Elkanah.
In verse 8, he says to her, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" though his sweet words mask the fact that he is ultimately the cause of Hannah's deep sorrow. In verse 2, it says "He had two wives: the name of one was Hannah and the name of the other Peninnah; and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children." On the surface, Elkanah seems caring and attentive, but fundamentally, the root of all Hannah’s suffering originates from him. Then, there’s the priest Eli. While Hannah is praying in agony at the temple, pleading with God for an answer to her infertility, Eli mistakenly assumes she’s drunk. Instead of comforting her, he accuses her, saying, "You’re drunk. Stop drinking!" — a hurtful and ignorant remark. Eli’s ignorance reminded me of an old saying: “Everyone has two dogs they care for.” What are these two dogs? One is called "prejudice," and the other "stereotype." A little explanation is needed here. In Korean, "prejudice" is translated as (seon-ip-gyeon) and "stereotype" as (pyeon-gyeon).
Both words end with (gyeon), which is a homonym for the Korean word for "dog" (, gae). So humorously, you could say dog (seon-ip-dog) and dog (pyeon-dog), calling these biases two dogs. I realized that although I don't physically own any dogs, I've been harboring these two inside my heart - prejudice and stereotype, living together in harmony. How about you? Are you also nurturing these two dogs in your heart? Hannah was in despair and shedding tears, but Eli, looking at her through the lenses of prejudice and stereotype, said, "You’re drunk, aren’t you? How could you behave like this in the temple?" - what a shocking misunderstanding! We must also reflect on whether our criticism of others comes from the barking of these two dogs inside us.
Could it be that these two dogs are ruling over our attitudes toward our husbands, in-laws, children, or friends? As we read 1 Samuel, we often belittle Peninnah. But when we let go of our prejudice and stereotype, we might realize that Peninnah is a pitiable woman. In verse 4 which says, "When the day came that Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to Peninnah his wife and to all her sons and her daughters;" this is quite fine, but when we look at verse 5, it says as follows: "but to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah,………." Elkanah treated Peninnah, the wife who bore him children, with obligatory respect. However, to Hannah, who had no children, he gave a double portion out of love. Now, imagine yourself as Peninnah.
Does this seem fair? Isn’t it enough to incite jealousy and resentment? Verse 8 also says, “Then Elkanah her husband said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”” While this statement may have been deeply touching for Hannah, what might it have meant for Peninnah? We often use our two dogs to label others as bad people and ask, “How could they behave that way?” But once the Gospel enters our hearts, we begin to understand that even people like Peninnah deserve compassion.
This increases our ability to understand and embrace others. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Wouldn’t it be wonderful if Hannah, out of compassion, could have seen Peninnah as someone who was unhappy and sorrowful because she wasn’t truly loved by her husband? Likewise, if Peninnah could have felt sympathy for Hannah, who was barren? I sincerely hope that the power of the Gospel of holiness will work within each of you, bringing correction to every aspect of your life, especially in your relationships, helping to grow your understanding and tolerance of others. When we encounter someone difficult to accept, our initial reaction might be, “How could they behave like that? I can't understand it!"
But as our understanding and tolerance grow, our mindset changes to, “It’s possible. Sometimes people go through things like that.” Romans 14:3 says, "The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them." - this is a verse we must always remember. A person who sharply criticizes others may not realize that their inability to embrace another’s weaknesses is more foolish, immature, and lacking than all the faults they point out in others. On what basis does Paul argue that we shouldn't criticize those with weaker faith?
The ability to judge belongs solely to God. It is not our place. So, Romans 14:4 says, "Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." Romans 14:10 says, "But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God." Only God, who is perfect, has the authority to judge. Human beings, tainted by sin, are prone to errors in judgment. Recently, the Olympics concluded, but we witnessed several controversial rulings due to unfair judgments. In the past, once a referee declared something, it was final. But today, with technological advances, we have video reviews that can slow things down and provide accurate rulings. Surprisingly, referees make more mistakes than we might expect. What was declared "out" often turns out to be "safe," and what was deemed "safe" turns out to be "out." If professionals, observing right up close, make so many errors, imagine how many more judgment mistakes we make. Therefore, we must approach others with a generous and tolerant heart. Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a complaint against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Ephesians 4:2–3 says, "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." There’s an old fable about two frogs living in a small well. Unfortunately, these two frogs despised each other, boasting and fighting every day. One day, for some reason, one frog died. The surviving frog was overjoyed, shouting, “Hooray! This is my world now. I’m so glad it’s gone!” However, a problem arose. Because the well was small, the dead frog began to rot, causing the water to spoil as well. Eventually, the surviving frog also perished from the foul water.
Even when we encounter people with different thoughts and views, we must accept, embrace, and acknowledge them. If we fail to do so, both will end up perishing. How do we avoid perishing together? By bearing with one another in love, patiently accepting and embracing each other.
2. Keep Your Focus on God and Involve Christ Between Yourself and Others When we examine Peninnah’s behavior in the scripture, we see that she is completely fixated on Hannah, directing all her actions solely towards her. Verse 6 says, “Her rival, however, would provoke her bitterly to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb.” The scripture says, “she provoked her bitterly to irritate her,” and it’s interesting that in the original language, both “provoke” and “irritate” are essentially the same word. Why was the same word used? Peninnah’s goal was to provoke Hannah intentionally, to make her angry. Peninnah couldn’t stand Hannah, who, despite being barren, still received her husband’s love and carried on as if everything were fine by going to the temple to pray. This made Peninnah so frustrated that she made it her mission to provoke Hannah. But when we dig a little deeper, we see that Peninnah’s behavior is unfair. The root cause of her frustration was her husband, yet she didn’t confront him.
Instead, she targeted Hannah, relentlessly directing her frustration at her. If we compare Hannah and Peninnah as models of faith, there is one crucial difference: the focus of their attention. In this situation, the issue is whom they are looking toward. Peninnah fixed her gaze on Hannah with eyes full of hatred and resentment, whereas Hannah’s focus wasn’t on Peninnah at all. With eyes of faith and love, she looked toward God. In verse 10, it says, “Hannah wept and prayed to the Lord.” This shows that Hannah’s attention was not on Peninnah but on God. It doesn’t say “to Peninnah” but “to the Lord.” Another significant aspect of Hannah’s prayer is that Peninnah is not mentioned. There is no prayer asking God to punish Peninnah for her hatred or to take revenge on Hannah’s behalf.
Hannah’s gaze remained on God, and she prayed only about her own weaknesses. What does this teach us? It shows that Hannah did not waste her life’s energy on unnecessary things. Peninnah, on the other hand, wasted her energy in the wrong places. Every night, she might say, “Ugh, I’m exhausted. Hannah is driving me crazy! I can’t sleep. I can’t digest properly. Maybe I have insomnia.” This constant frustration drained her energy and left her worn out. Joseph was the same way. Despite being sold into slavery at a young age, he rose to become the prime minister. How did he accomplish this? Joseph didn’t waste his energy on hating others. He didn’t squander it. The Bible shows no mention of Joseph harboring hatred for the brothers who sold him. Even when a woman falsely accused him and had him thrown into prison, there is no evidence of bitterness or anger in Joseph.
Had Joseph wasted his energy on such emotions, he might have suffered from insomnia, indigestion, and a desire for revenge, turning himself into a sorrowful, bitter person. Most humans, when we look at the distribution of people in our lives, find that about 95% of the people around us understand, protect, and cover for us. They are kind and supportive. On the other hand, only about 5% of people might slander, mistreat, or attempt to bring us down. Research shows that the number of people actively working against us is much smaller than we think.
However, the fatal mistake we often make is that we focus 95% of our thoughts on that 5% of people who cause us distress. This is why many people say, “Everyone around me dislikes me and makes my life difficult,” and as a result, they feel, “I’m unhappy.” Instead of fixating 95% of your thoughts on the 5% of negativity, try focusing on the 95% of people who support and encourage you, and on God, who bestows grace and love.
That’s how you can nurture healthy relationships and let them flourish. When Hannah found herself in conflict with Peninnah, instead of responding with bitterness, resentment, or furthering the conflict, she brought her issue to God. This is the “principle of blessing” that we should cling to. There is a saying that “the church is a place of wounds.” In one Korean church survey, participants were asked if they had ever been hurt in the church, and almost everyone raised their hands, shocking the pastor. Then the pastor asked, “Who among you has hurt someone else in the church?” Surprisingly, hardly anyone raised their hand, and a few who did, quickly lowered them out of embarrassment.
Isn’t that strange? Many people admit to being hurt, but few acknowledge that they’ve caused harm. If we reflect on ourselves, we might realize that while others may indeed be at fault, we too contribute to relational problems. In Ephesians chapters 5 and 6, there is a beautiful description of relationships, starting in verse 22, where wives, husbands, children, parents, bosses, and employees all live in harmony. What we notice in this depiction of restored relationships is that Christ is involved in every aspect. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Ephesians 6:5 says, “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.” In every case, the Lord is involved. Between us, there are countless problems and hurts, but when Christ is involved from above, He restores relationships. Believe that with Christ’s intervention, relationships can be healed and restored.
3. We Must Become Voluntary Servants In Greek, the word for "man" is ἀνθρώπος (anthropos), which means "upright." It signifies that humans are beings who look upward, beings who look toward the heavens. What does this word emphasize? It means that from the beginning, when humans were created, we were made to look up, to look toward heaven. Pigs, on the other hand, cannot look at the sky. Due to their physical structure, pigs cannot raise their heads more than 15 degrees, meaning they live their entire lives never seeing the sky. Humans, though upright in posture and able to physically look toward the heavens, become like pigs when their spiritual posture is corrupted by sin.
Though their neck bones can still bend upward, spiritually, their souls become rigid, stuck looking down, only seeing what’s directly in front of them, disconnected from God. This spiritual degeneration explains why some people, in their relationships, no longer look to God or heaven. Instead, they act as if they are always right, yet leave others wounded in the process, all while claiming, “I’ve never done anything wrong.” On the other hand, people who are wounded over insignificant matters do so because they are no longer looking toward heaven. I recall a personal experience from long ago. A church member was deeply offended and fell into spiritual trouble. Upon investigating, I learned that the issue arose after a Sunday service when the pastor usually shook hands with the congregation as they exited the sanctuary. On that particular day, the pastor was shaking hands with many people, but his shoulder started hurting, so he paused briefly to rest. Unfortunately, during this brief moment, that church member passed by and didn’t get a handshake. The church member said, "The pastor deliberately skipped over me.
He’s ignoring me," and became deeply offended. If only that person had shown a bit of understanding toward the pastor, things would have been different. But because they couldn’t look up to the comforting God, they allowed this small incident to wound them. From this perspective, consider the words of Ephesians 6:5: “Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.” Those whose spiritual posture isn’t stiff, who can still look up to God, live with sincerity and respect, even in relationships where they might feel subjugated. There’s another passage that can be difficult to understand: 1 Peter 2:18 which says, “Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.” In the original language, the word "harsh" means "crooked, perverse, unfair." It’s shocking, isn’t it? We are told to respect and obey those who may be unworthy of respect - even those who are wicked or cruel. This teaching might test the faith of those who struggle with such commands. How can we submit to unjust masters? But when we read Ephesians 6:9, it says, “And masters, treat your slaves in the same way.
Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” This verse emphasizes mutual submission. Younger people, children, and subordinates must learn to obey without questioning or challenging. At the same time, leaders - whether pastors, parents, or employers - are called to be true elders who do not provoke conflict but foster environments where obedience is easy. The Bible teaches that we must practice mutual submission with those under us, treating others with humility and respect. This is a core principle of Christian relationships. In the New Testament, the term for “slave” or “servant” appears in two forms: δουλος (doulos) and διακονος (diakonos). Both refer to servants, but there’s a crucial difference between them. Doulos refers to someone who became a slave involuntarily, often as a result of losing a war.
Captured individuals were forced into slavery. Diakonos, on the other hand, refers to a servant who chooses to serve voluntarily. Exodus 21:2 says, “If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything.” Even if someone buys a slave, they are not to keep them forever. After six years, the servant must be set free. This humane law was remarkable for ancient times. But if a servant loves their master and chooses to stay, Exodus 21:5–6 provides further instruction: “But if the servant declares, ‘I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,’ then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.” Though this servant remains a servant for life, they are not a doulos but a diakonos - a voluntary servant. What’s the crucial difference? In verse 5, it says that the servant chooses this life out of love for their master.
The essence of diakonos is love. Though free, they voluntarily become a servant because of love. This is diakonos. Here’s something even more amazing. When we look at the New Testament, who is the most perfect example of a voluntary servant? It’s Jesus Christ. In Matthew 20:28, Jesus says, “…….the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” The Greek word for “serve” here is diakoneo, the verb form of diakonos. Jesus Christ, the Son of God, voluntarily became a servant, moved by His love for us. He calls us to do the same: Philippians 2:5 says, “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” What is the mindset we are called to have? It is the mindset of a diakonos, a voluntary servant motivated by love.
The Christian spirit calls us to become diakonos out of love. When Jesus asks us to walk one mile and we go two, it’s because we love. When our faith and love grow, we gladly go even further, up to five miles. Why are there so many wounded in the church? Does a servant ever feel wounded? Especially a voluntary servant? Did Jesus, who lived as a voluntary servant, get wounded? The key to healing your family, your relationships, and your church is this: become a diakonos. Instead of demanding that others be your doulos, let us voluntarily become diakonos like Christ. Let us not serve from a place of obligation, but out of love, just as Jesus did. This way, we will stop getting hurt, and we will bring healing to those around us. May the Lord give us the grace to become voluntary servants. May we not seek to make others our doulos but instead willingly become diakonos ourselves. May the words "I’ve been hurt" disappear from our vocabulary, for voluntary servants cannot be hurt.
Conclusion Romans 15:1 says, “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.” In this passage, Paul reveals himself as someone who is strong in faith. However, he is not boasting or showing off his faith; rather, he is emphasizing the responsibility that comes with being strong. Those who are strong in faith have the obligation to help those who are weaker. Being "strong" here refers to being spiritually strong, capable, and able. It means having the spiritual strength to support others. In ministry, challenges both big and small are inevitable.
Each time, I pray earnestly, “God, grant me the strength not to be shaken by these difficulties, not to become weak because of these problems. I desire greater strength because only when I am strong can I care for the congregation and build up those going through difficult times with the Word.” Ephesians 3:16 says, “I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being.” 2 Timothy 2:1 says, “You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” May you all become strong in Christ. Let us remember that we need to be strong to help the weak, to build a peaceful and joyful church. Today's message highlights several characteristics of those who are strong. Who are the truly strong? To become spiritually strong, to bear with one another in love, and to build a harmonious church united by the bond of peace, we must:
1. Cultivate the ability to understand others’ perspectives and increase our capacity for tolerance.
2. Keep our focus on God and involve Christ in every relationship between ourselves and others.
3. In gentleness and humility, lower ourselves and become voluntary servants. As strong individuals, may we care for the weak and bring harmony and blessings to all our relationships. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I bless you all to be peacemakers and bearers of blessings. - END -
